Well, hello there! It’s time for the biannual life update that possibly one person will read. Lots of things have happened in the last 8? 12? Months since I last updated this little corner of the internet.

I turned 40 in February – something I’ve been dreading since I was, well, 30. But 40 is the new 25, right? Surprisingly, I don’t hate being 40. So far, it’s much better than my 30s. I mean, I know it’s only been a couple of months and there’s still plenty of the decade left for shit to hit the fan, but this one just feels different.

The biggest piece of news is that I had surgery three days before my 40th birthday. Yeah, that was a FUN birthday, let me tell you. I went from planning a half-marathon running vacation over my birthday, to barely being able to get out of bed for my birthday. The end result has been 100% worth it though. I’ve spent most of the last five years feeling like absolute garbage, so it’s bonkers to finally feel good. It’s still hard to believe sometimes.

I had my left ovary and my appendix removed, along with my fallopian tubes. I also had a uterine ablation while I was already under. The first few days of recovery were brutal – I couldn’t keep any food or liquid down for 36 hours (I managed a few very, very small sips of liquid, but other than that, it was puke city. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to vomit with stomach incisions? Because I do!) Things became a lot more manageable after the 48 hour mark and while that first week was painful, I would take it any day of the week over what I’ve been feeling for the past few years.

It got to a point where I was in pain from a brisk walk (I felt like there was a softball in my pelvis) and I was nauseous all the time. I also got full super quickly. Most any small or regular sized meal felt like Thanksgiving dinner. And the bleeding. Oh the bleeding. And bloating. I took lots of pre-surgery pics of the bloating because it was that bad. I seriously looked 8 months pregnant. And all of this was on birth control pills. Sadly, the BC pills were a huge step up from what I experienced when not on them. When not taking BC, I was out of commission for 2+ weeks a month and standing up straight between days 8-14 of my cycle was impossible without extreme pain. I almost went to the ER twice for pain (in hindsight, probably a cyst bursting.)

BC took away some of the worst symptoms, but things felt heavy a few weeks into a new pack (I don’t know how else to describe it. It felt like I had a mini-kettle bell in my pelvis.) Both pelvic ultrasounds I had prior to surgery confirmed heavy bleeding even while on BC (I can only imagine what those ultrasounds would have looked like without.)

Everything took a backseat. I gave up working out. I was too afraid of committing to events/plans, for fear I wouldn’t be able to function. I was just done.

I was initially hesitant about the ablation since it meant that I would not be able to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term. However, at the age of 39 it was becoming more and more clear that getting pregnant was unlikely to happen and deep down, I had already made my peace with not having children. After many heartfelt talks with close friends and family, I came to the realization that if I really, really wanted to be pregnant, I probably would have done something about it sooner. Perhaps I would have actively sought out a partner. Perhaps I would have froze my eggs or attempted IVF or IUI on my own. Who knows?

Anyway, it hit me while I was in the shower one night – why on earth would I continue to put myself through the pain and discomfort every month on the off chance that I might meet someone and get pregnant in the next year or two? Would I even be able to get pregnant at 40 with all of my health issues? Probably not. So, I went through with the ablation while I was already under from everything else.

I’m nearly 10 weeks out and I’m 99% happy with my decision. I think there will always be a small part of me that will struggle with the finality of all of it. On the flip side, every month that I don’t have to deal with the pain and discomfort makes it all worth it. I don’t know what life may have in store for me. I’m open to adopting or fostering in the future. There are still options for me if I chose to parent in the future.

In the meantime, I’m focused on getting back to running and building my financial future – two very different goals, obviously. But two very important goals nonetheless. Maybe I’ll elaborate on both of those in my next biannual update.