**I published this post last Monday – no idea why it never actually published on the website**

LESS THAN FOUR WEEKS TO GO – HOW DID I GET HERE??!!!

I cannot even comprehend just how quickly this marathon is approaching. I leave for Chicago in just over three weeks and the marathon is now less than four weeks away. Truthfully, I’m panicking just a tad. Okay, more than a tad. I’m panicking a lot. Like, a lot a lot. But tickets are paid for, the hotel room is reserved and there’s no backing out now.

Obviously, I’ve been posting about my training the same amount I always do (which is to say, not a lot.) Normally when I’m silent it’s because life is hectic (always) and/or because my training is going horribly wrong. While my training this time around has been far from perfect, I’m probably in the best shape I’ve ever been in and while I’ve had some training struggles, this is by far the most prepared I’ve ever felt going into a marathon. I have one more long run (16-20 miles) and one more medium-long run (10-14) before taper time.

I’m actually really proud of myself with regard to my short weekday runs. Since June, I’ve only missed a very small handful of short runs. This right here? Is a HUGE victory. In past cycles, I could find a lot of reasons to skip my short runs – it’s windy/hot, I’m tired, I hurt somewhere, it’s shark week (I seriously want to punch the people who are all ‘exercise makes it better.’ um…not for all of us, it doesn’t, I can barely stand up straight if I’m not on birth control. Exercise legit makes it 50 times worse and I’ll end up in bed for 2 full days.) I had a rough day at work, and this list could go on.

This time around, the few short runs I’ve missed have mostly been due to the temporary veneer situation I had earlier this summer (and I still managed to get a lot of short runs in over the course of those 3.5 weeks) and one other time because it was hot and I didn’t eat or hydrate properly. I ran 8 miles the day before, so I didn’t feel too bad about skipping that one.

While I’ve been great with the short runs, my long runs and strength training routine could use a little work. I’m thankful that I started the training cycle with two spring half marathons under my belt, but aside from that, I’ve only had a few truly long runs. There’s a ton of 8-12 mile runs, but not a lot above that (gulp.) 

I attempted to do 17 miles this past Saturday, but only made it through 11 miles before calling it quits (it was pushing 90 degrees and my stomach was not having it. I’m all for going out of your comfort zone, until that means losing a significant amount of dignity as well.) Miles 1-9 were awesome – it was only the last few miles that felt like a death march. I had every intention of making up the rest of the mileage on Sunday, but I still felt weak and ‘meh’ (but found it in me to rally and go wine tasting in the afternoon #shame.)

I’m praying this week’s long run goes smoothly and restores my confidence in this area (my long runs have really been two steps forward, one and a half steps back.) I had a great 14 miler the week before that gave me some of the confidence I’ve been lacking…unfortunately, I couldn’t keep it going. I’m kicking myself a bit now that we are only a few weeks out, but really, I’ve had so many great mid-distance runs that I typically lack, so it’s still a win in my book.

I’m thinking about leaving work early this Friday to fit my last really long run in. We shall see. No matter what, I plan on getting a lot of miles in this weekend one way or another. I think I’m going to see how I feel as the week progresses.

I also mentioned that my strength training has been ‘off’ as well. I might be averaging one session per week, if that. And, it’s more me picking up my kettlebell and swinging it around for a bit than anything else, but hey – I’ll take it…for now. But after I get back from this trip? I really need to fully commit to 2-3 times per week, especially if I want to improve (which, I do.) 

One other thing – I’ve mentioned that I was not happy with my weight this year (I think?) I finally threw my hands up in the air about two months ago and never looked back. I’ve stopped weighing myself. The last time I stopped weighing myself, I lost 12 pounds (this was summer of 2011, when I trained for the NYC Marathon.) I’m not sure how much, if any weight I’ve actually lost, but I’ve been measuring myself every few weeks and I’m a few inches down, so I’m guessing I haven’t gained any weight. My pants fit normally most of the time, but are occasionally tight (they were almost always tight when I started training, so win?)

I’m not 100% happy with how my body looks or feels at the moment, but this is probably the best I’ve felt in years and I’m growing to love how I am right now, just as I am. My blood work and other stats (HR, BP, etc.) are all great. I might be right at or just over the healthy BMI range, but honestly? I don’t feel like I am. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but I guess at the age of 37, I’ve learned that my weight should not dictate how I feel about myself or my accomplishments. 10 fewer pounds is not going to make or break my life.

I’m still working on this – I’m certainly not all the way to full body acceptance, but it’s kind of hard to care about the number on the scale after I conquer a 14 mile run in 88 degree heat, ya know?

I’m 99% sure I’ll be running another full marathon between now and the end of 2020, so I have time to keep improve and build upon what I started for Chicago. Top contenders are the LA Marathon, San Diego, or CIM. LA seems mighty soon after Chicago (it’s in March) and CIM feels so far away (December.) I also want to run NYC again, but not sure if I can absorb the cost next year (I’m really working to build savings and pay off my car and a few other lingering things) not to mention the competitive NYC lottery system. I guess I’ll think about it more after Chicago.

I know I should post pictures, but if I wait to do that, I’ll never hit ‘publish.’ So, here’s another plain, boring blog post…and a few more weeks of training.