Yoga Pants Life

I haven’t posted anything in two weeks and that’s because I haven’t been running much at all the past few weeks. I’ve been busy dealing with a sick kitty and with that comes lots of stress and heartache.  The stress and heartache took a toll on me and running was the last thing I wanted to do.

I adopted two six month old kitties January 2nd, 2016 and have been in love ever since. Tucker and Baxter bring me so much joy every day (and sometimes they annoy the heck out of me too.) They are both very sweet and quite social, but are also extremely mischievous – which, I love because their antics crack me up nearly every day (I love their antics slightly less when I come home to a chewed kindle cover or all my picture frames knocked down, or glass candle holders shattered everywhere…even so, they are totally worth it!)

Some people are under the impression that cats aren’t capable of love and while I’m no scientist, I can tell you that they are dead wrong.  In my experience, cats are not eager to please in the same way that dogs are, but I would venture to say that the vast majority of cats in loving homes with attentive owners thrive. I see it in my boys every single day.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, we noticed Baxter was having some issues. We thought maybe he had a hairball that wouldn’t come up or that he swallowed something he shouldn’t have. Turns out, he’s been having seizures. We finally had to put in on medication this week in order to get them under control. We don’t know the cause (yet) and I’m not sure how far we will go with treatment, as there’s a fine line between being a responsible pet owner and doing the best you can to make them better, and putting the animal through too much because you selfishly want to hold on to them.

While I know many animals with seizures go on to live a long, healthy life, I’m crushed and still trying to process everything. Everyone experiences loss at some point, but I feel like I’ve dealt with an awful lot of it in my lifetime so far.  Heck, one whole side of my family is pretty much gone.  I lost my dad at 18. Needless to say, I don’t handle things like this well.  My cats are a part of my family and are around me nearly every day.  Losing a pet isn’t something you get over in a day.

I’m sure more exercise in the past few weeks would have done my mind and body some good, but the thing is, I wasn’t really in a place to complete strenuous (for me) workouts. Some people overeat when they are stressed. I’m not one of those people. I have a really, really hard time eating and in turn, it affects my ability to run, as it’s difficult to go more than a few miles on an empty stomach (not to mention the lack of energy.)

I didn’t complete a long run last week and I’ve now missed three long runs this training cycle. The marathon is six weeks away. And just like that, I feel like this is last year all over again. I’m going to be in Colorado next weekend for a wedding, so I feel like that’s shot too. Then I need to taper for two weeks. So yeah, three more opportunities for long runs, one of them being today.  I’m not in a position to go more than 10 miles today…my stomach is in knots as I’m typing this. I don’t know if I can do three miles, let alone 10-12.

I’m in a state of limbo right now. I came very close to canceling my trip to Chicago last week because I was worried about boarding Baxter (or really, if he would still be around by then.) I don’t know what to do. I really wanted a better marathon and all I can picture is me slogging through like I did last year.  It feels so stupid to even be worried about the marathon right now.

I just want my sweet boy to be okay and I want both of my sweet boys to live a long, healthy life. They have my heart.