Yoga Pants Life

Training for the San Diego Rock n’ Roll Marathon has officially started. It’s only the first week, so the workouts haven’t been taxing…but my Chicago ‘failure’ from last year has been in the back of my mind with each run. I’m trying not to let it get to me, but it’s difficult to let it go all together. My biggest regret from Chicago last year was never getting past all my mental blocks during my long runs. Because of that, I didn’t put in as much mileage as I should have and had a miserable (and slow) time.

I’m grateful that I crossed the finish line, but I’m not proud of my time or how it happened (though, I’m sure a solid 20 minutes, if not more, was spent in and out of porta-potties because my stomach was not cooperating.) While I swore I’d never, ever do another marathon, I ended up signing up for San Diego a few short weeks later. I figured it wasn’t too taxing to travel there, I’d have lots of support and I could always drop to the half, if necessary.

While having the safety net of the half is comforting, I’m finding myself wanting to drop down and I’m pretty sure my brain isn’t giving my body the chance to see what it can do (one of the many fun side effects of depression.) As of right now, my plan is to stick with the full and I will only be dropping down if my half marathon in May doesn’t go well. Because here’s the thing – this year is the 40th anniversary of the Chicago Marathon. I already have an entry set and ready to go (along with a hotel room.) I really want to be a part of the celebration and I REALLY want to prove to myself that I CAN DO IT.

I’m doing everything in my power right now to make this a successful running year for me. I’ve lost 9 pounds since the 1st of the year and I’d be really happy shedding an additional 15-30. My pants are already fitting better and I’ve lost nearly three inches from my midsection. I won’t be prancing around in a bikini anytime soon, but I’m starting to feel much more comfortable in my own skin (it’s amazing what losing even a small amount of weight can do.) I’m also sleeping better than I ever have and I’m doing a bit more cross training than what I’ve done in the past. Most importantly, I’m trying to address this most recent bout of depression and anxiety head-on because I’m a firm believer that you can’t have a healthy body if you don’t have a healthy mind.

I’ve resisted talking a ton about depression on here because I really don’t know who may read it and I don’t need coworkers (and others) thinking I’m a crazy ticking time bomb who isn’t capable of performing basic tasks. However, I’m feeling more and more compelled to talk about it because it is by far the biggest thing in my life right now and there are so many misconceptions of what depression is and what it looks like on a day-to-day basis. I can’t promise that I’ll follow through on this because it is a highly personal thing and it makes me feel extremely vulnerable sharing it with the world.

Anyway, time to get back to work and eventually to the gym today. I’ll try and update the blog with weekly workouts and running progress.

Until next time…