Yoga Pants Life

I survived the Chicago Marathon. I’m not proud of my time and I’m disappointed in myself, but I crossed the finish line, got my medal and proudly wear my Chicago Marathon half-zip running top (with the thumb-holes, you guys! I love thumb holes in my workout gear!)  I swear, that damn shirt and finishers medal was the ONLY reason I pressed on when things got really tough.

I could do a mile-by-mile recap, but honestly, I’d rather forget a lot of it. My stomach didn’t cooperate and I kind of gave up by mile 16. By mile 22, I wasn’t sure I had it in me to cross the finish line. I was in tears and I’m pretty sure I texted my mom and said “I’m dying. I can’t.” I felt better after a pit-stop at mile 22.5, though I didn’t have it in me to run until I got to the very end. I was defeated – totally, completely and utterly defeated. I cried when I crossed the finish line. It was a mix of sadness and overwhelming relief to finish.

I swore up and down at mile 14 that I would never, ever attempt this again. Hell, I swore that I wouldn’t do another half or even 10k at mile 14. Of course, I’ve had a 180 since then and am signing up for the Rock n’ Roll Marathon in San Diego in June. The thing is, I can’t let my performance in the Chicago Marathon be the end. I feel like I need to attempt this at least one more time and get it right. I have no desire to BQ, but I do want to see a finish time with a “4” in front. I feel like I can’t give up until I get it.

I picked San Diego because it’s close and I have a huge support network there (most of my extended family lives in SD.) I don’t have to fuss with time changes or major travel – just a 4 hour drive. Also, this race has the option of a half or full, so I feel like if shit hits the fan and my stomach or any other body part gives out, I can drop down to 13.1 and call it a day. My original plan in 2017 was to focus on improving my half marathon and I will still work on that and incorporate a few in my training.

Chicago was a humbling experience, but I learned a lot and it taught me that I really let my mind and fear of failure hold me back (not just in running, but life in general.) Looking back, I know that the reason I struggled so much on my long runs was the fear of failure. Honestly, I feel like I gave up long before the race even started.  The only reason went through with it was because I had already booked everything and there was no backing out. I probably should have spent this year doing halfs and working my way back up instead of jumping right in.

I’m nervous about training for another marathon. The feeling of failure is still raw and I honestly am not 100% sure how I’m going to break through that barrier.

The good news, though, is that I have a really solid base to start from. I took last week off running and will start cross training and doing some weights this week. I may reintroduce gentle runs this week as well. My body actually recovered quite nicely and I lost all stiffness/soreness after about 72 hours. Unfortunately, my feet are still covered in blisters, but they feel better every day.

My plan from now through December is to keep running 3-4 days a week with 2-3 shorter runs (I’ll work on incorporating speed during these runs) and one longer-ish run…anywhere from 5-10 miles. I’m also working on getting some of this stubborn weight off because I know it will help me get faster.

One final note – the city of Chicago and people of Chicago were amazing. The crowd and volunteer support was unlike anything I have ever experienced and for that, I am grateful. Despite my horrific experience, I refuse to let this be the last time I run Chicago. I’m on a mission and I can’t stop until I prove to myself that I really can do it.