Yoga Pants Life

I know I keep saying how fast time is flying by, but seriously, it’s hard to believe that the first month of training is over. I have so many mixed emotions about the whole thing. One day I feel like I can take on the world and the training process seems more fun than daunting. But then the next day something happens and the whole process feels impossible and I wonder what on earth I’ve gotten myself into.

I keep re-reading race recaps from my favorite running bloggers to try and pump me up. I guess it feels like if they can do it, I can do it too…but they also make it look so easy and more often than not I find myself upset that I’m slower or struggling more than they did. I realize that comparison almost never leads to anything good, but it’s tough not to get caught up in the never-ending cycle of feeling like I’m not measuring up. I keep wondering when this will all click and come together.

Tough as the first month was, it had some bright spots. Regardless of how slow or sucky I feel (felt?) like I am, having something to work towards gave me a renewed sense of purpose and actually made me feel better about where I’m at in my life. Like, I’m not as caught up feeling sorry for myself about feeling stuck in my job, not saving as much as I should for a new (to me) car or early retirement or dwelling on my non-existent love life. I’m mostly focused on all things marathon right now and  everything else is in the backseat. Sure, I’ll have to address those things eventually, but it can wait until October 10th.

I’m also pretty proud of how consistent I’ve been. I missed one long run and two short runs due to injury, but for the most part I’ve stuck to my training schedule. ‘I don’t feel like it’ is not an excuse and I remind myself in those moments to think about all times I wanted to run, but physically couldn’t. In all my years of running, this is by far the most consistent I’ve EVER been. Now I just need to keep it up. I also need to apply  my newfound consistency to stretching, sleeping, yoga, eating and weight training. Baby steps, yo!

Surprisingly, after one month of full-blown training, I’m down 1 pound. Yes. 1. No, I’m not happy about it. Look, here’s the thing…I almost never weigh myself because it’s unhealthy and unproductive. Logically I know that I am not the number on the scale, but seeing the numbers and lack of progress takes away all logic. I lost 45 pounds a few years ago, but close to 20 have crept back on (actually, ‘crept’ is the wrong term…they found their way back to me between October and January…I pretty much threw caution to the wind and ate and drank as much as I wanted during that time. Big mistake.) It took nearly 3.5 years of running and eating right to get the weight off the first time. I actually banned the scale at one point because I was so frustrated with the lack-of-progress. Ironically, once I stopped caring about the number, the weight came off and I eventually settled in a good place.

I tried to apply that logic this time around, but whether I put the scale away for an extended period of time or not, I can’t seem to get the needle (or electronic numbers) under 160, which, is still 5 pounds above a healthy weight for my height and about 20 pounds over where I’d like to be. I finally started taking measurements and pictures (it’s how I saw progress the last time the scale didn’t budge) and I’m trying to focus on that instead. I feel like I’m not as bloated and my pants are fitting a bit better, but it’s not showing up on the scale. At least not yet.

Granted, I would probably lose more weight if I buckled down and cleaned up my diet, but I’m not quite there yet. Sometimes my stomach is so off that all I can do is eat beige, carby foods for days at a time. I don’t know. I’m not planning on weighing myself again until the end of month 2 and hopefully I’ll have made some progress by then. If nothing else, I’ve learned that I’m actually pretty good at maintaining, so there’s that I guess.

A final word on weight (for now) I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that this is partially about vanity…but a lot of it is about running. I’m sure my knee wouldn’t bother me so much if I lost a little weight. I’d also be a lot faster (I believe you shave 2 seconds per mile off your time for every pound you lose) without doing anything else other than losing weight. I need to cross the finish line in three months and one way to do that is to get some of this dead-weight off.

Okay moving on…

Another surprising thing about marathon training? It’s expensive. I feel like I can’t get my emergency fund funded past 2.5 months because I’m perpetually spending money. I spent upwards of $350 on running gear this month alone (shoes, socks, compression sleeves, etc.) It almost makes me sick when I think about it. I know I’ll need to purchase another pair of shoes in a month or two, but other than that, I hope not to spend any more money for a really long time and make do with what I have.

I also purchased plane tickets and had some other miscellaneous expenses this month. I really hope that I’m done bleeding money and I really hope to have 4 months of expenses saved by the time all this is said and done. I need a better paying job, haha. I keep saying that this is probably my last marathon and who knows if that’s true…but if I do this again, I will probably stay close to home to save on all the travel costs (although, having done the NYC marathon, I can tell you that there is no better way to see the city and it was totally worth it!) I know a lot of people think it’s a waste of money to pay to run, but everyone has their hobby/vice and I’d venture to say that most hobbies will run you about the same, if not more money.

On to month two! Please, God, let the number on the scale go down and my savings account go up!