Yoga Pants Life

This here post is a two-parter…I started the first part after a really, really bad run yesterday. I knew from the get-go that it was not going to be a great run. I could barely stuff myself into my running capris and generally felt ‘blah.’ I was super thirsty long before I started my run (not good, considering how warm it has been here…’March miracle El Nino,’ my ass) and I pretty much ate empty carbs yesterday. Couple that with wearing my (very, VERY outdated) Garmin Forerunner 305 and I had a recipe for disaster.

**they don’t make ’em like this anymore…for a reason. Seriously, this thing takes up my whole wrist. I really should get a smaller, more updated one…but I just can’t bring myself to spend the money on it. I’d much rather watch my emergency fund grow.

I slogged through the whole run (all 3 miles of it) and ended up walk-jogging the last 1/2 mile. I felt so down on myself afterwards. Three miles should have been easy…I’m not sure if wearing the Garmin tripped me up (the good news is that while it was awful to see how slow I was going in some parts, is that I’m over all so much faster than I used to be) and made me more upset than I would have been otherwise (I’ve been listening to my body and pretty much just running by ‘feel’ the last two years.) Either way, not a good time.

I decided not to post what I originally wrote last night…and I’m not sure if I really want to post it now (because it’s pretty whiny and first-world-problem-y) but as I was getting ready to run tonight, I figured posting it might bring some closure and make me feel better (it’s worth noting that I typically don’t need ‘closure’ after a bad run…but I was really down on myself yesterday and wanted to start fresh today)

What I wrote yesterday:

I had my ass handed to me out on the trail today. It should have been an easy 3 mile loop on the trail (well, as easy as a dirt/rock trail can be) with a few big hills thrown in. I should have coasted comfortably at a 10:00 minute mile pace. Should have…but I didn’t. It was slow (for the most part…I did have a few segments where I could keep a 6.5 mph pace.

I know what went wrong, but unfortunately, it’s not a quick fix. I know it’s because of the 20 additional pounds on my frame that seemed to make themselves at home on my body. I’ve been losing and gaining the same five pounds for months now. As much as I want to blame it on birth control and/or pretend like I have no idea how it go there, I know it’s not that. If I’m being honest with myself, it’s all the junk I’ve been eating and my lack of willpower around anything with bread or sugar.

No, I’m not stuffing my face…but I’m not eating healthy. What happened to the girl who was hell-bent on chugging three liters of water a day? What happened to the girl who rarely drank? What happened to the girl who made sure to get at least five servings of fruit and veggies every day? When did I trade fruit and oatmeal for doughnuts and when did my once or twice weekly desert become an every day thing?

The good news is that all of this is in my power to control. The bad news is that I have to buckle down and do it. I feel like I’ve struggled with weight my entire life, especially in the last 10 years. I’ve been a size 6 to a very tight 16…I’ve been as low as 124 pounds and as high as 187 (obese, when you are 5’6″) As much as I don’t want to admit it, I know I’m going to have to always watch my weight.

I’m not sure exactly what my plan is. The times I’ve had the most success are the times I put the scale away, stay super-active and generally eat well. I don’t like to avoid stuff or cut things out, but I know I’ve got to clean things up. Even if I went on some crazy diet, I tend to be a very, very slow loser, so it’s unlikely anything will be a quick fix. It really doesn’t matter at this point. What matters is that the weight comes off, so my knee isn’t sore and I’m not busting out of my too-small running capris (yeah, I’m not a medium anymore…at least not right now.) I hate feeling so ‘meaty’ and jiggly.

**…and this is where I stopped…because it was late and I was just whining. I’m not even going to go back and proofread or fix any errors…it is what it is.

How I feel today:

Obviously, change is not going to happen overnight. But, I DO have the power to start making changes now. I still feel bloaty, meaty and gross today, but 1000% less so than yesterday. I’ve been hydrating like a champ and fueled much better today.

I’m also ditching my Garmin and just going by feel again (I’ll wear it again soon, because I want to see improvement…but there’s no need to drive myself crazy every day) I’m not sure how today’s run will go, but I just want to get out there and enjoy the view on my favorite trail that I haven’t been able to run on since early last fall.

**seriously, this is the view I’m greeted with after the second hill I have to run up. It really doesn’t get any better than that.

I have a lot of runs left before Chicago and I know not all of them will be good, but I need to let those ones go and chalk it up to a learning experience…and now it’s time to go run!