Yoga Pants Life

I’ve used free blogging sites for years, but it just never seemed to stick. I’d get kind of excited about blogging, only to have life take over and I’d stop posting. I never really had any sort of direction and told very few people about my blog…because blogging makes me feel vulnerable and putting myself out there is terrifying. For example, if I write about my struggles with depression, is everyone going to think I’m a ticking time bomb? Is everyone going to think I’m a sophomoric ass because I write like I speak and I’m not exactly the poster child for proper grammar and spelling?

On the one hand a blog , for me, is a place to share my feelings and my life (no matter how banal) It’s a way for me to get things off my chest and remind myself how I’ve changed as a person. I’m sure I’ll get around to it eventually, but I feel like I’ve come a really long way in the last few years. I will probably always struggle with depression and self-esteem…but I can’t imagine having a worse year than 2011 (or 2001.) I have so many thoughts on mental health (as well as running, finance and YOGA PANTS) and for some crazy-odd reason, I want to put them in writing.

On the other, the internet never forgets. Yes, you can delete things…but thanks to the waybackmachine, screenshots, etc. everything is still there. I’ve been very guarded on social media the last few years and I cringe at least 50% of what I see others post (heck, I don’t even check Facebook or Twitter all that often these days.) Do you really want the world to know that you can’t pay your electric bill because you spent all your money to purchase tickets to MonsterJamRallyAsskicking-Fest 2016, are voting for Donald Trump or just smoked a bowl? (is that what the kids call it these days? I have no idea. Seriously, the only thing I currently inhale is essential oils to keep my allergies in check.) Seriously, do you really want the world to know this about you? Or your kids? (I consistently thank the universe that social media was not around during my teenage years.)

I never want to offend my family or close friends (everyone else can suck it. Look at me! being a responsible blogger and telling people they can suck it within my first five posts!) And I really don’t want to put myself in a position of humiliation and regret. It’s difficult to admit that I’m 34 (yep, still struggling with that number) single, not AT ALL where I want to be career-wise and don’t have six figures saved. Meanwhile, thanks to Facebook, there’s no shortage of status updates about promotions, new BMWs, homes, engagements, etc (I feel awful saying this, but every time someone posts about their fancy car/boat/house, I always wonder if they are drowning in debt and putting on a show for everyone else because it’s what’s society expects…am I the only one who feels this way?) Sometimes it’s hard to keep the jealousy in check! (also, can we talk about how people rely on social media to validate their life choices? I mean, I’ve been guilty of that more than once…but holy crap, man.)

To be clear, I want the best for friends and family and am so happy for their joys and success in life (seriously, it makes my heart happy that my friends are happy – why on EARTH would anyone want to see their loved ones in turmoil and pain??!!) For those who I may not love quite as much (because, let’s be honest here – nobody likes everyone…it’s just not the way it works) I still want them to have a happy, healthy life (this is not always easy and I find myself praying frequently to think kind thoughts to those who I may not be BFFs with…and to forgive…because forgiveness isn’t always easy) Nobody deserves to have harm wished on them. Ever.

**Pro tip from Tucker and Baxter: Love thy neighbor/brother. Even when they are being an asshole and biting your tail (also, it’s probably just because they are mine, but OMG!! SHUTUP WITH HOW CUTE THIS PICTURE IS!) 

All of this to say that I’m super excited about having my own website/domain. I have so, SO much to learn (and I’m sure anyone reading this is rolling their eyes and cringing because I’m using the terminology all wrong) but I’m hoping it sticks this time. There’s something about being the master of my domain (BWHAHAHAHAA…I CAN’T…seriously, that episode of Seinfeld is hilarious!) that makes everything feel different. It’s like I truly have my own little place on the internet.

I have no idea what direction this will all go in (though I can pretty much guarantee it will all circle back around to yoga pants…because they are awesome) and I really hope I don’t make too much of an ass out of myself (though, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m nerdy and klutzy and don’t take myself too seriously most of the time…at least, I think that’s the case.) I don’t know if anyone will actually read this or care what I have to say (I doubt my mother will even read…and there’s probably not a soul on earth who loves me more than she does…seriously, we have our issues, but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve her because she does so much for me) but right now it doesn’t matter – I’m going to have fun with this and see where it goes.

This post went a bit deeper than I planned. I mostly just felt the desire to write something – anything! Don’t worry, there will be plenty of self-absorbed, yoga pants-filled posts in the near future. Along with more boring updates about my emergency fund and marathon training (I sure hope the edge of your seat is comfortable!)